Perfect Timing

So, we were finally going to DTD and I was getting undressed and there was as small spot in my undies so I ran to bathroom. I think AF will be here tomorrow! God, I sure hope so! I'm ready for a fresh cycle.

Blah

I want to be enthusiastic about this, but I'm not. I AM proud of myself for sticking only to the foods I am allowed to eat, but I can honestly say I hate it. I am not having any side effects to the Metformin, and I'm super happy about that. Although, it is early still. I added a page for weight loss, and a food log to keep track of what I eat.

Spaghetti Squash

I can't have pasta or rice, but the doc told me about Spaghetti Squash.

Last night, I boiled one whole. Browned some ground turkey, threw the insides of the squash sans seeds, and some spaghetti sauce in a pot for some Modified Spaghetti.

For lunch today, I dumped the remaining spaghetti mixture into an 8x8 casserole dish and topped with a little mozzarella, baked, and got this:

Click to enlarge

Diagnosis

Murder? Maybe! I think I'm more bummed about the dietary changes than my actual diagnosis. All yummy foods are out the window. Poop. This blows. Anyway! I am to start Metformin tonight, 500mg. If I tolerate that, I move up to 1000mg. I'm a specific diet. The doctor was great and made me a list of good and bad foods. So anyway, like I said, she has PCOS as do a few of her family members. She was SO AMAZING at my appointment today. She sat beside me and showed me my test results and everything. She also made a list and we talked in detail about good foods and bad foods and substitutes. And she Googled some foods to show me.

Dont's

* Bread
* Potatoes
* Corn
* Sugar (duh)
* Rice
* Pasta
* Bananas
* Milk


Do

* Lean Meats
* Veggies
* Fruits
* Eggs
* Nuts
* Cheese (no Cottage)


She also said go ahead with regular salad dressing, the fat free kind is worse for this. Something about what they use to thicken the fat-free kind

A great sub for mashed potatoes is mashed cauliflower. I tried this tonight and even DH liked it. Just boil it, put some butter, salt and pepper in it and mash it. I threw in some Mrs. Dash and a little shredded cheddar.

For pasta, you can use Spaghetti Squash.

She said Diet Sodas are ok, but I hate them so she recommended Crystal Light, which I guess I can deal with.

Another good tip is she said if an ingredient ends in -ose, it's most likely a no-go. (ex. dextrose) "-ose = gross"

The Metformin will make me lose weight..and so will this God-forsaken diet. I'll be adding a photo gallery and weekly weigh-in to the blog.

Stay tuned.

Dear Griping Moms

I hate you I really do! It makes you seem a little ungrateful of this blessing you have that others work so hard for and pay thousands to have. But you, you want to sleep but instead this incessant little screaming monster is keeping you from it. There are thousands of women who would trade you in a heartbeat. For what comes so easily, naturally and accidentally to you might never come to them. Imagine trying for a year or more and never succeeding. Imagine crying yourself to sleep because you may never be called mommy. Imagine sitting in a doctors office and hearing words that change the life you wanted to have. It just seems so unfair that so many would take what you have and cry tears of joy. We have seen the worst. We have felt the empty void, and know that only a child of our own can fill it. But you get to have it, and complain about it. *sigh* Sometimes, I just don't understand why things happen the way they do.

For the love of God

Tomorrow is CD70. SEVENTY. Too much!I need a period or a BFP NOWWWW!!!!!! Ah. I feel better now.

Zero Support

We've been TTC for over a year and I have zero support from my family. They aren't against us having a kid, they just aren't there for me. Well, by they I mean my mom. We aren't close at all. We aren't even speaking at the moment. I lived with my great grandmother since birth, so it's no wonder I'm not close with my mom. My great grandmother was my mom, dad and friend all rolled into one. She passed away when I was 19 and my life changed forever. I miss her every single day. My mom is an overall disappointment to me. She drinks a lot and is a very selfish person. I was over at her house a few months ago and I was telling her about a name I liked for a girl and she said, "If you ever have one. I'm not holding my breath." Gut punch. Wind knocked out of me. It's days like that I need TMP. I feel pretty confident I know how NOT to be a mom from her. I miss my real mom, my nanny. I could talk to her about anything and she would do anything in her power to help me, not hurt me. Well, that's all. My eyes burn.

I'm huge.

I really am. Sigh.

If I'm not pregnant, I need to make Jenny Craig my best friend, or something. It's pretty ridiculous. I almost threw a tantrum trying to get dressed to have lunch for our anniversary. My stomach is so noticeable :( I kept putting stuff on, taking it off and hanging it back up. Finally, I just got tired and left one of them on. I was scared someone was going to ask me when I'm due. That's how bad it is. When we were leaving the restaurant, Adam went to the car and I paid with the debit. There were 2 guys walking out in front of me. There are 2 doors, an inner door and an outer door, one held each for me. Jeez. This is stupid.

Conception to Birth in 5 minutes

Someone from TMP posted this. So cool!

Twice Baked Potatoes

A Facebook friend had these last night and it sounded sooooo good.

Ingredients
As many potatoes as you will need (1 potato makes 2 Twice Baked)
Sour Cream
Green Onions, finely chopped
Shredded mild cheddar cheese
Bacon bits
Salt and pepper to taste

Directions

1. I baked mine in the microwave the first time. So use a knife and stab some breathing holes in them. My microwave has a potato button and I hit it 3 times, because I could fit 3 of mine on a plate. But, if you don't try 15 minutes for 3 potatoes, and flip them over at 7 1/2 minutes. Poke them with a fork and make sure they are soft.
2. You may want to let them cool a few minutes. 
3. Slice in half, completely through. 
4. Using a small spoon, dig out as much of the potato as you can, leaving a thin wall of potato behind for structure.
5. Put the potato insides in a mixing bowl. Add a few spoons of sour cream and and about 2 teaspoons of green onions. 
6. I used a fork to mix and mash mine, but you can use a mixer if you want a creamier consistancy.
7. Spoon the potato mixture back into the hallowed out potatoes.
8. Line them up in a pan and top with shredded cheese and bacon bits.
9. Bake until cheese is melted.

Six

Tomorrow is our 6th wedding anniversary. They are always bittersweet for me. It's like 'Yay! We've been married for SIX years.' and then 'We've been married for six years and have no kids.' True, we haven't been trying the full six years, but man we should have been, since it's taking FOREVER!! Haha. Funny thing TTC, it always makes every occasion sad. Birthday-another year older, still childless. Halloween-no kid to dress up and take trick or treating. Christmas-no toys, only 2 stockings to hang...I could go on, but you get the drift. Sigh.

Uncommon? Maybe not so much

How is it that it's supposedly extremely rare to be pregnant and get negative HPTs, yet I personally know 2 people that it has happened to? My mother-in-law has had 5 pregnancies (no surprisingly her name is NOT Myrtle). She didn't get confirmation of her 4th pregnancy until she was 3 months, she happened to be pregnant with my darling husband! My best friend did not get a positive blood test until she was 8 weeks. Everything before was negative. So it does happen. And I can't help but wonder if (and hope) it's happening to me.

The Itchy and Scratchy Show

I didn't sleep worth crap last night. I was so itchy, it was weird! It was mostly on my chest. I have a small dry patch of skin below my belly button too. I had just gotten out of the bathtub before bed, so it wasn't anything on my skin. So basically, I'm more tired today than usual. I added a a ticker to the top of the page, counting down the # of days til I go to the doctor. It can't come fast enough. I almost broke down and went to the convenient care clinic at the hospital. :sigh: I guess I'll wait it out.

What's this?...Ohhhhh

Facebook is always changing things. The other night something popped up about groups and I thought it meant chat, since that's the thing I noticed was changed. So I arranged my TMP people into a group. The next thing I know there were 3 or 4 of us talking on the same IM box. I thought "Neat!" Then I saw there was actually a page,too. So, it's neat, but I did it totally by accident, lol.

How I'm Feeling?

I really don't know how I feel. I know I feel exhausted all.the.time. I spend my time yawning, eating and peeing. Could be IPS, because yep, still no BFP. I don't know what to think, because I definitely do not trust my feelings because God knows they have been wrong every other time. The length of this cycle is killing me. I need something to happen--fast!

No news is good news?

Says who?? Waiting is torture! I would rather know something than nothing. Here's the chain of events:

• Oct 13-Saw doctor, had blood drawn to test for PCOS
• Oct 15-I call office to see if my test results are in. The nurse said they were but she couldn't tell me over the phone. Made appt for Oct 27th
• Oct 16-I get letter saying the office has been trying to reach me concerning my labs
• Oct 18-I call and tell them I received a letter that the doctor wanted to talk to me about my labs. She tells me I need to make an appointment.

It's been fun...not.

Thinking...

Call me delusional stupid optimistic but here's my train of thought...

1. If I have PCOS, I've had it for awhile now.
2. I've been monitoring my cycles for over a year now and always start my period on or before CD38, except once and it was like CD45
3. I have gobs of pregnancy symptoms.
4. It's CD61

The secret of why I'm still somewhat sane

The Mommy Playbook. I have met so many wonderful women there. They have provided the bulk of my support on this TTC journey.I really would be crazy if I didn't have anyone to talk to about all the grisly details of all this. I ♥ you girls.

If you or someone you love is struggling with infertility, a loss, or would simply like to chat with women like you about motherhood, this is the place you wanna be.

Test Results Are In

But it doesn't do me any good. I called and asked were they in and the nurse said, "Yes, they're in." Ok, so I sat there a minute...."Can you tell me what they are?" "Can't do it over the phone." I was transferred to the front desk to make an appointment. "She can see you on the 27th at 1:30." Oh. My. GOD. That is an eternity.

These shoes are made for walkin'....

Unfortunately, I'm not. I hate exercise. I admit it, I'm lazy. But I need to think about my long term health, and even if I don't have PCOS, I need to lose weight. I've decided if I do have it, to go ahead with the Metformin, which means a diet change. Lot's of changes.

New Doc and More Waiting

So my doctor appointment with my new doctor was today. I was called back by the nurse and she asked the reason for my appointment and I told her my LMP was August 18th. So of course I had to pee in a cup and I went to my exam room. I could hear all the girls talking a few minutes went by and one said "Oh. No, she's pregnant." And of course my heart skipped a beat. Until the pregnant lady's voice came in a minute later and was talking with them. Sigh.

So after what seemed forever, the doctor came in and I liked her immediately. She's very open and easy to talk to. I also liked that she came in, sat down and started talking to me instead of looking in my ears, nose and throat. (Yes, my last doctor did that for everything it seemed) She said my urine test was negative. We talked further and she told me by looking at me and my symptoms, it was likely I have PCOS. They drew blood and I should know for sure within a week.

She said if I do have PCOS, I can come in and we can talk about the 'big picture' and what our next steps will be. If I want to TTC, she will prescribe me Metformin.

So, for now I'm waiting.

Scaredy Pants

Ok, I'll admit it: I'm scared. Of a few things currently. I'm scared of my doctor's appointment tomorrow. I'm scared of what they'll find. I'm afraid that having kids might not be possible for me. But not knowing scares me a tad bit more, so I'll just have to be brave and hopefully get some answers, good or bad.

"People are never more insecure than when they become obsessed with their fears at the expense of their dreams."

Cereal Killer

It's that time again. All I wanna eat at night is cereal. In the last week and a half, I've gone through a box of King Vitaman (blast from the past, right?) Frosted Flakes and half a box of Cap N' Crunch. I'm really not into breakfast but it's all I want at night.

For my next victim....Honey Combs or Corn Pops. Who's feeling lucky?

Being Tested

The following story is irrelevant to TTC, but it's a good laugh at my expense.

So I've be preparing for dreading my psychology test for a few days. I put off studying until today. I was going to make sure I was up at 10am to start studying. Adam and I stayed up until after 3am watching old episodes of The Office. (Somehow I missed the middle seasons.) Anyway, somehow Adam the alarm didn't wake me up Adam and I didn't get up until noon. Mind you I don't even know what the test is about and it's at 5pm. Literally had not cracked the book. My stupid eyes are to blame. So I scrambled around and studied pretty good.
 I got there and almost broke my ankle walking in the front door. I found the classroom that I'd never been to. I was a good 20 minutes early and there were several people in the room. I sat down and no one had a book like mine. I was starting to get a bad feeling about this... Then the teacher started passing out the test. The top of it said Philosophy! I was wanting to shrink in size to a few inches tall and run unnoticed from the room. A girl across the room seemed to be looking at me since I sat down. She said "Are you in psychology? We're over on this side." Weird. Ok. So I go across the room. At this point, everything has gone wrong and I'm feeling really bad vibes about the test. She passed it out and I could breathe. I know I passed it - probably did really good. Thank God. I hobbled out to the car, stopped by Burger King and got ketchup on my favorite jeans. The End.

Promotions and Time Warps

So, we've been going at this a year now. You would really think we would have gotten a BFP. I mean if you are at a job for over a year, you might get a promotion or a raise at the very least. If only that were true in the TTC game.

Or what about Mario? He got to cheat time with a Time Warp. Wish we had something like that.

Just a few thoughts I had today lol.

My eyes...

I never thought a post about my eyes would make it onto my TTC blog, but ya just never really know...Well I've been having trouble with my eyes. I wear glasses and they've worked great! I go in annually for an exam. My vision has been blurring or running together, dry eyes and I've been having a headache. So I made an appointment. I thought for sure I was going blind or something. And the doc says my vision has IMPROVED so my glasses were now to strong. I was stunned. She said something about my nearsightedness but I can't remember. She was talking to me during the glaucoma test and those drops friggin BURN. And so being the Googler I am, I looked up reasons for vision changes and well of course.....

What it is: The blurred vision and dry, irritated eyes that are so common during pregnancy.

What causes vision changes during pregnancy: Pregnancy hormones (what else?) that decrease tear production (ironically, since they certainly don't decrease crying!), leading to eye dryness, irritation, and discomfort. Hormones also cause fluid buildup in your eyes, the same way they make your ankles swell. This can lead to changes in the curvature of your eye, which causes a change in your vision. Not only can these changes make contact lenses uncomfortable, but they can change the way glasses work. If a woman is already far-sighted, she usually becomes less far-sighted while pregnant. If she has normal vision or is near-sighted, she usually would become near-sighted or more near-sighted.

Looking forward to my doctor appointment Wednesday. I'm now 16 days late. It's CD54

Shut the Eff Up

I ran across this blog and fell in love! At this point in my TTC journey, it's just what I'm thinking - STFU Fertiles.

Angela's Famous One Pot Chili

Everyone loves my chili. It's really simple too!

Ingredients

• 3 lbs ground beef
• 2 packages McCormicks Original Chili Seasoning
• 3 cans chili beans
•  2 cans Original Rotel
• 1 can tomato sauce
• 1 medium onion, chopped
• 3 tbsp Frank's Red-Hot Hot Sauce
• 1/4 tsp chili powder
• Pepper to taste

Directions

1. In a large soup pot, combine ground beef and onion. Dust the top with pepper. Brown. Drain.
2. Empty both packets of chili seasoning on top of cooked meat. Take each packet and fill with water one at a time and pour on top of seasoning. Stir. Heat to bubbling, then reduce heat. Cover and simmer for 5 minutes.
3. Add chili beans, Rotel (do NOT drain, add the entire can), tomato sauce, hot sauce and chili powder. Stir thoroughly. Heat to boiling. Cover and reduce heat. Simmer for at least 30 minutes.

Bad: Days and Luck

Some days are just plain hard. This is one of them. You never know which days are going to be tough and what will happen to make it a hard day. It doesn't take much when you're TTC, especially over a year. Just going out of the house and to stores, you are certain to see babies, toddlers and pregnant women. I think Facebook is evil, yet I still log on every day to see ultrasounds pictures, cute videos and such. Not that I blame them, Lord knows if I had a little one my Facebook page would be plastered. It's just a lot to take in sometimes and it reminds you that you are no closer to that than you ever have been. Luck of the draw? Maybe. I never was lucky.

We all dream a lot – some are lucky, some are not. But if you think it, want it, dream it, then it’s real. You are what you feel."
~Tim Rice

It's so unfair

It really gets on my nerves to hear people complain or not be appreciative of their kids. Don't get me wrong, I understand some complaining but if that's all you do - don't talk to me. I am a person who would go through a lot to be sleep deprived and have no 'me' time. I've had enough 'me time' to last a lifetime. It's lonely. No, I don't want you tell me "You're lucky you don't have kids and can do what you want." If you are jealous of me, that's really sad, because what I want to do is have a child and spend all of my time with them. But by some twist of fate, you have a bunch of kids you'd rather not have and I have ZERO. So please, if you are having a pity party about how much it sucks being a mom - don't invite me, I have my own pity party to attend.

While we try to teach our children all about life,
Our children teach us what life is all about.
~Angela Schwindt

Angela's Chinese Chicken & Broccoli

I love Chinese food! I don't remember when I decided to take a stab at making it, but it's not bad!

Ingredients
1 pack of boneless skinless chicken breast
1 bottle of Lawry's Teriyaki Marinade
1 medium onion chopped
1 bag of frozen Schezwan mixed vegetables (or a bag of broccoli)
1 can of sliced mushroom (or you can use fresh)

Directions

1.  Place chicken in a storage bag and empty about half the bottle of marinade in it. Close the bag and move the chicken around til it's all thoroughly coated. Place baggie in a pan and lay flat. Put pan in fridge for about an hour. Make sure your bag of veggies is thawing at this point.
2. After about 45 minutes, chop the onion up. 
3. Take chicken out and cut it up. You want the pieces to be about and inch wide and half an inch thick.
4. Put a little butter in a skillet and melt. Add chicken. Cook about 5-10 minutes or until the pieces are thoroughly cooked. Cut a piece in half to make sure it's done.
5. Add veggies, onion and mushroom and cover. Let cook about 10-15 minutes.
6. Uncover and test the softness of your vegetables. This is a personal preference, so you will have to be the judge. If they are to your liking, pour remaining marinade over the whole skillet and let simmer a few minutes.

Today I'm serving this with Bird's Eye Steamfresh chicken flavored rice. It's good with plain white rice too - make a bed of white rice and spoon the chicken and broccoli on top.You'll have lots of teriyaki sauce to flavor up the rice.

What to do with myself

Guess I'll have some free time now. You really don't realize how much time you spend obsessing about something until you stop. Last night I started a food blog. Which is kinda funny. I want to eat healthier and lose weight, but I may end up emotionally eating so either way - the food blog works lol.

Follow me now!

Enchiladas

This is a borrowed recipe from Campbell's, and it's Mmm Mmm good, too!

 Ingredients

 1 pound ground beef
 1 package taco seasoning mix or burrito seasoning mix
 1  can refried beans
 1 can Cheddar Cheese Soup
 1 onion chopped
 1 package flour tortillas
1 1/2 cups prepared enchilada sauce
 shredded Cheddar cheese

Directions

1. Heat the oven to 350 degrees F. Cook the beef in a 10-inch skillet over medium-high heat until well browned, stirring often to separate meat. Pour off any fat. Stir the seasoning mix, beans, soup, onion and rice, if desired,in the skillet.
2. Divide the beef mixture among the tortillas. Roll up the tortillas and place seam-side down into a 3-quart shallow baking dish. Pour the enchilada sauce over the filled tortillas and sprinkle with the cheese.
3. Bake for 20 minutes or until the enchiladas are hot and bubbling. 

I served these with some Taco flavored rice. It was deelish!

Snickers Cake

This decadent treat includes the candy it's named for as well as caramel. It's always been a real crowd pleaser.

Ingredients:
2 jars of Smuckers Caramel Sundae sauce
1 tub of Cool Whip
1 bag of mini Snickers
1 box of German Chocolate cake mix (and the ingredients to make the cake such as eggs, oil, etc)

1.  Prepare cake as directed on box. 
2. While cake is baking, chop up your candy bars as small as you want them. It's up to you! 
3. Take cake from oven when done and let cool. 
4. When cake has cooled, use a butter knife and poke holes in the cake. Pour the caramel sauce over cake slowly and let it seep into the holes and sides of cake pan. 
5. Stir Cool Whip and loosen it in the container. Add heaping spoonfuls onto the cake and spread as "frosting" 
6. Sprinkle your candy bar pieces all over top of the cake. 

And here is the finished cake :)