This is not a fairytale. I learned that quite a few months ago. Naively, we went into this thinking "Oh! We want to have a baby now" and expected that it would happen because we wanted it to. And, for some that does work. Not for me - or many others like me. It's hard. It's emotional. It sometimes gets the best of you. So, after over a year of trying to conceive and a PCOS diagnosis, I find myself here - trying to believe.

Sunday, December 26, 2010

CD1

Not sad. At least she's on time. Hope you all had a a Merry Christmas. I sure did! Here's a few pics!

Me and my niece Savannah trying to figure out who's double chin is bigger :P
Adam's family
Neat photo block Adam's oldest sister made for us
Christmas!
Savannah in all her cute glory
My brownies! Recipe from http://www.bakerella.com
Me and my SIL Shonda
Me and the hubs. I hate getting my picture taken :/

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Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Confessional

Forgive me TTCers, for I have sinned.
I only half-heartedly TTCed this month. With good reason I assure you. We have been really struggling financially - REALLY struggling. Here's the story:

Back in July, we moved in with MIL and FIL, because she asked us to. FIL is terminal and wheelchair bound, having extra people here ensures that he has someone here at least most of the time. He can do most things for himself, it's his overall physical condition that is worrisome. Anyway, in August I was due back to school and DH was working. We were buying a truck that was in his brother's name. Originally, BIL came to us because he had 2 vehicles and he could not afford them both. We took the car, and after a year he wanted to trade...and well DH wanted a truck so we did. My second week of school, we were at home one night and noticed a vehicle outside. It was a towtruck. Uh huh. BIL screwed us over. Towtruck Guy says it's $1400 behind. And it was behind $1400 before he traded us. He knowingly did that. I'm still super mad. So now we have no car at all.

 Not long after that, DH is contacted by the local Warmart and is offered a supervisory job. He was the assistant manager at Sonic at the time. We talked it over and felt that Walmart had more advancement opportunities and he took the job. So, on his first night to work for Walmart, he shows up and the told him he can't work there, something about his application. Well, according to the manager his "application wasn't correct". I am thinking his Sonic boss had something to do with that. Oh and the reason I think that is because right before DH took the Walmart job, his boss had him working with some new guy and then after DH left some coworkers told him that the boss was leaving and the new guys was going to be manager. That was supposed to be  DH. He devoted 10 freaking years to that place, and was promised it by his boss. So, yeah I think he did it. Who can trust him? OK so now, no car and no income. GREAT. Well, I do still have my photography but it's not steady. Ok, so yeah it's been crazy. I decided not to take my Metformin this cycle. We couldn't afford to splurge on extra food and TTC supplies. And if we can't afford that...we have no business TTC.

I'm happy to report DH just started a new job, and the best part is...it's a block away! This makes me sooooo happy. It's hard to find a job where we live unless you travel...and well, it's kind of hard without a car. So, I'm hoping to be fully back in the TTC game in January! C'mon BFP :)
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Tuesday, December 7, 2010

Busy and Death

So, I have been so busy lately. And getting busier. I'll be glad when Christmas is over lol. I get paranoid my prints won't be in on time. Tomorrow is CD9 (I think?) So my monitor may start asking for sticks (I think...) I'm pretty scatterbrained.

And ok, this is awkward but if you haven't read some of my posts then I should tell you I was not raised by my mom or my dad. While my mom was in my life at least my biological father was not. I think I have maybe seen him twice in my life and it wasn't nice or happy or anything resembling a Lifetime movie. Anyway, I got word today that he died yesterday. I'm not sure what I feel. Mostly, I feel nothing. He is more a stranger than a relative and I guess it's hard to miss something you never had... I guess I feel kind of cold for not feeling...affected?..or whatever you would call it, but I just don't.

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Friday, December 3, 2010

AF, OPKs and Santa

AF is still visiting for the holidays. :( My OPKs should be in today. And I'm sot of dreading sort of looking forward to the weekend. The town has a Enchanted Christmas Festival and I'm taking Pictures with Santa. Then I have a couple shoots Sunday so I won't be around much.
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